Line of Departure

[Warkitty]

The other day a situation came up that makes me wonder... what would you have done?


Here's the gist.

Man and woman are walking down a relatively well traveled street. The woman is grabbing the man, crying, screaming and wailing at him. He keeps trying to extricate himself. She body blocks him, he turns to walk the other way. You hear her yelling "why are you doing this?" "you have a home, just come back!" and "if you hit me it's over!" You hear him saying "I haven't hit you, just leave me alone" and "Let me go" but not much else. You finally hear her say "I'll follow you no matter how far, or until someone calls the cops." You see him break away, leap a small retaining wall and run into the woods beside a graveyard in the direction of a funeral currently taking place.

Would you do nothing? Say something? Call someone? Would you keep walking and try not to notice the man looking at you pleadingly? What would you do?

[Dirty]

Under the heading: "Situations that suck!", you picked a real winner.
Say you call the law, under most state laws if police make a domestic violence call somebody must be arrested, almost always the man, and his or her life gets turned upside down. A policy which I'm sure has deterred or prevented a lot of domestic violence but rarely winds up with the participants remembering whoever it was that dialed 911, with fondness.

It appears though that this fellow was capable of escaping so protecting him seems unnecessary, and despite the woman's reference to violence, you observed none. I'd have watched long enough to see she didn't pull out a pistol, or a hand grenade, or start to hurt herself, and kept on moving.
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"Democracy is the illusion that my wife and I, combined, have twice the political influence of David Rockefeller."
--Butler Shaffer

[SarahB.]

I would have asked the woman, "hey, do you want me to dial 911!?"

Or, "I am calling the cops right now and I'm a witness to what is going on."

If SHE starts hurting herself, you can still account for the fact the man was no where around. It's obvious the man didn't have a record where violence is concerned.
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“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.” ~~ Confucius

[Daizee]

Yes, I'd yell, "Do you need help?"
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How in the world did my country end up as a place where citizens are allowed to vote their prejudice against a minority? Unknown

[Dirty]

Re: Sarah and Daizee's responses
You might also holler, "Hey, look at me. I'm down range."
Without a bit more situational awareness I'm loath to surrender my innocuousness before it's absolutely required. Apart from the possibility of weapons and the very high likelihood both will turn on you, as usually happens in those situations, one or both might have friends nearby that might also frown on your interference.
_________________
"Democracy is the illusion that my wife and I, combined, have twice the political influence of David Rockefeller."
--Butler Shaffer

[Justin Thyme]

I'm still pomdering the matter. As much as I'd like to do something I don't know what would change anything for the better. These two have problems that can only be solved by them
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Larry's Log

[Warkitty]

I don't think there's a wrong answer, including doing nothing. It's a sticky situation though.

I did call to report the disturbance and made clear both to dispatch and to the responding officer that the man was doing everything he could to get away from the woman without resorting to any violence at all, but that I feared she was escalating her response. I didn't try to interfere myself because I figured nothing I said as a mere citizen would diffuse the situation but rather increase the likelihood that I'd be attacked. An officer however has the socially provided badge of authority and would be in a better position to "throw cold water" on the situation before it melted down into violence. If they found and spoke to the couple prior to any fists flying, no one could be arrested. My testimony would play out against any accusations of abuse she might throw as well.

I nearly did nothing, but her telling him she would keep it up till someone called the cops sounded to me like a good reason to call it in, to my ears it sounded like she would escalate her reactions till it became necessary.

It was an uncomfortable situation for me, to say the least.

[SarahB.]

I think you handled it appropriately.
_________________
“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.” ~~ Confucius

[Warkitty]

but, is it how you'd have handled the situation?


I'm curious not because I wonder if I did the right thing but because there is no right way to handle it. I'm not sure what the response reveals about a person, but I find it enlightening.

(note: I would have done nothing probably even just two years ago)

[Dirty]

Looking at my second response, I realized it was a glimpse into the wonderful world of PTSD.
I guess a fella that reacts to the world as one, big, potential ambush, might tend to overthink Cat's situation, though I wonder at her trust that the police would handle it properly. Given some of the statutory requirements on domestic violence reports, aside from cops being human too, that's kind of a 'crap shoot'.

But, that's probably a PTSD thing too.
_________________
"Democracy is the illusion that my wife and I, combined, have twice the political influence of David Rockefeller."
--Butler Shaffer

[Warkitty]

See? I'm not sure what it says, but each possible action on the part of the witness says something. I trusted the officer to use something resembling discretion in dealing with the issue based on my relationship with several of the officers in the general area. You wouldn't trust the officer to be able to use enough discretion and preferred to trust the man to get out safely on his own. I initially leaned towards trusting him to get out on his own but was pushed over to calling right when she said she'd keep chasing and harassing him till someone called the cops on her. I considered that an invitation.

[Dirty]

Gender of your subjects is a qualifier in my response. Based upon an assumption that the woman is the less physically imposing of the two. Were the roles reversed I would be much more likely to call the police, though under any circumstance where there was a considerable threat disparity favoring the pursuer, I would also be more likely to dial 911.
_________________
"Democracy is the illusion that my wife and I, combined, have twice the political influence of David Rockefeller."
--Butler Shaffer

[Justin Thyme]

It is real easy to think that the man can take care of himself. I tend to think that about myself but I'm also in a stable relationship that has long outgrown any thought of the use of force by either of us. However, knowing some of the women I know, I no longer look at a male/female altercation with a female aggressor and assume that the man can take care of himself.
_________________
Larry's Log

[SarahB.]

[Dirty]